Day 17

Today was Day 18.

But before we get to that. Yesterday was Day 17. For most of the day things were going well. Work is starting to feel like a normal part of life again. I managed to eat lunch and dinner more out of a re-acquired habit than through forcing myself to eat. However, the successes were short-lived as my evening plan to go out for a run with a couple of friends was hampered by them cancelling late in the afternoon. I did make 3 attempts to run on my own. On the most successful of the three I even had my trainers and garmin on before the anxiety attack came. No amount of breathing exercises, just waiting for the shaking to stop, or any of my other coping mechanisms were enough to make an impact. After the third attempt I sat for nearly an hour trying to calm myself enough and having given up on making it out of the door I headed for the treadmill in my spare room. Even this was enough to cause another attack and I ended up curled up on the sofa and eventually woke up there at 2 am. Silver lining - I got some sleep, Cloud - I couldnt get more sleep when I went to bed, and I have no idea how long I was curled up on the sofa before I drifted off.

Day 17 was definitely a bad day.