New Year, New Blog

So 2011 stands without a doubt, challenge or contest as the worst year of my life.

While I am still far from being back to my normal self, December at least saw some fairly major progress in that direction. In the spirit of New Years, new starts and all that nonsense I have decided to begin a new blog.

Let us see what 2012 brings then...

http://kevinmorice2012.blogspot.com/

My Year in Numbers

Normally each chunk of this post would have slipped by as a facebook status update as I went past each of my targets or out-did my previous year's numbers. However, this year I have only actually reached one target out of 10 on the list.



Running
Plan for the year was to average 20miles a week for a total of 1040. This was meant to be a big step up from previous years to accommodate the Edinburgh marathon in May. Only raced 124 miles this year. This included a marathon, and still comes out as my lowest total ever. Even in year's where I was doing sprints and hurdles I was totalling over 145 miles a year of racing. The marathon itself was a nightmare. Original target was 4 hours, after training I expected to go closer to 3:30 but instead ended up at 4:44:25. Completing the marathon did tick off the last event on my list. I have now raced every athletics event, I believe I am the first Moray Roadrunner ever to manage a full set.

End of year running total: 771.8 miles. Still works out as my highest milage year ever, despite coming up nearly 300miles short of target. Total to July 1st was 705.6 miles. Since July 1st 61.2 miles.

Biking
Plan for the year was to just come up slightly from last years low total of 380 to an average of 10 per week for a total of 520. Target was intentionally low as I didn't plan to do anything much on the bike till after the marathon. From there I was expecting to go to a longish ride every weekend and then sail past the target to give me a better idea of what I could handle next year. Only racked up 40 miles of racing on the bike, against last year's 108.

End of year actual total: 253.3 miles. Total to July 1st was 150.3 miles. Since July 1st 103 miles (including 44 going to and from Stonehaven half marathon on July 3rd before going on holiday).

Swimming
Vaguely counting this one as a success for the year despite missing 18 of 50 Club sessions. Target was originally 39 miles based on my 2010 total of 38.7. Last TPT session of the year was a 20 minute time trial and I managed to cover 1100m, compared to only 975 for the same TT last year. Having only been in the water 6 times in the previous 5 months I didn't even expect to get to 1000m.

End of year swimming total 43.6 miles. Total to July 1st was 26 miles. Total since July 1st was 17.6 miles (includes 4.7 miles worth of pool and sea swimming on holiday).

Climbing
Only went once this year. Shouldn't have bothered with it.

Session totals
Including all of the above, gym sessions, weights, circuits, ... I did 218 training sessions this year, against a planned target of 312.

End of year session total was 218. Total to July 1st was 158. Total since July 1st was 60, but since August 1st was only 31.

Other numbers
I turned 35 this year. If I had stepped on a running track since July 6th I would have been the first Moray Roadrunner ever to have compete as a Junior a Senior and a Veteran. I don't think anyone else is in a position to beat me to that claim for another couple of years so I still have time to get it.


So normally I would be sitting down to set my 2012 targets now. But to be honest I don't have any reason to, or for that matter any desire to. There isn't any real point to setting swim and bike targets if I can't run. I don't really trust anyone enough to go climbing with them, and I still don't trust myself to go out on the bike alone.

Fortnight of chaos

The last two weeks have been extremely hectic. Even by "normal" standards I have been ridiculously busy. Compared to the last 6 months, these two weeks have been almost inconceivable.

Going out to 9 different events and a trip to union square in 2 weeks was too ambitious a target but I did manage 8 of them with varying degrees of nerves, anxiety and fairly mild panic attacks. I was planning to ramble on a bit about each of them but I have lost track of where I even went on most of them. Huge steps forward every time though.

One thing I have noticed during my excursions has been that babysitters come in two distinct types. Either they repeatedly ask if I am ok, or they just ignore things and try to trust me that I will tell them if I need help. No preference for either type but it is strange to see people who used to trust me implicitly suddenly being so over-cautious about whether I can cope with being left alone for a few minutes in public.

At least the security of having someone else in the house for a few days meant I could sleep in my own bed. Have struggled to sleep properly since and spent about half my time back on the sofa, but even occasional nights in bed are another huge step forward.

Monday night was my first serious training session since July. More of that to come in my next blog though.

Busy, Busier, Busiest?

So apparently since the texts and email threats weren't working, the new plan to intimidate me is to do regular drive-by's of my house. I saw 5 this weekend. Not sure how many I missed as I had visitors and Dexter for big chunks of Saturday.

For anyone who thinks I am being paranoid and just noticing people driving past as part of their normal day. I live at the very end of a dead-end street. You don't drive past my house by accident, most people coming to visit here on purpose struggle to find it even with directions. You certainly don't drive by it 5 times in two days by accident.


On a more positive note:
It has been a good week for visitors. After having a panic attack and running out on swimming on Monday night, I wasn't expecting to see anyone outside of work for the rest of the week. Instead I have had someone round to visit pretty much every evening. I also managed to go back out for a second swim without freaking out thanks to a babysitter dragging me to the pool. All of that combined to leave me calm enough that I managed to go out for a haircut on my own on Saturday morning.

That has obviously been undone since.

I am meant to be out for 4 different dinners this week. Can't see past the first one at the minute. Don't think I am going to cope with the busier ones later in the week.

Week 20

It has been a couple of weeks since I have posted an update. It's not that I haven't had the time to do it. Time is about all I have had for the last fortnight. I just didn't really have the motivation to do anything much at all with it. My washing and ironing pile is now my entire wardrobe and I just grab something each morning.

Going to Elgin for a couple of days was less successful than I had hoped. In the morning I managed to go out for a couple of hours to help marshall at a race. Even with 60 miles and half a dozen other marshalls that I have known for years I was struggling to cope. I think it is the first time I have been at a cross-country race where one of the marshalls has spent more time being sick than any of the athletes.

Things went rapidly downhill from there. Trying to go swimming on my own lasted about 10 minutes. Even with only 4 other people in the pool I couldn't deal with the crowd of strangers. Managed to go to running with Moray at night but only lasted 2 miles before I couldn't cope. Even with babysitters I have known for 20 years.

Having Friday with Dexter calmed me down a bit again. Or maybe just tired me out.

Been back at work for a shortened week this week. Taking Fridays off to get through my holidays seemed like a good idea at the time but leaves me with three day weekends to survive every week.

Having a couple of weeks without any new threats has been good. Guessing my junk mail filter is finally dealing with them.

Another week over

After such a great weekend with Dexter the whole of last week was a major disappointment. I had hoped that I would be able to go forward with doing more on my own after managing so much. Going to swimming on Monday was the only success of the whole week.

Sunday I woke up to another delightful email from one of my fans with nothing better to do than make up fake email addresses and send me abuse. I have added it to the collection. I also received a response from UKA last week confirming that they have started their investigation. This just gives me one more to add to their reading pile.

I have so many holidays left to take this year that I have had to start using them up before I lose them. I have 4 days off this week and every Friday off for the rest of the year. Not sure how I will cope without the distraction of going in to the office. I am going to go through to Elgin for a couple of days to save me from just sitting in the house all day. Then when I come back I am going to get Friday with Dexter.

Hopefully the distance will also be enough to let me get out of the house without help. According to the fuel gauge I should find out if that works or not by about Huntly.

I have packed my swimming and running gear, as much out of habit as anything else. I thought about putting the bike in as well but decided it wasn't worth the risk.

Tuesday 8th Nov

I did manage to drive myself to swimming last night. Had to sit in the car for a while to try and get myself into a state to go in and when I did I still was on the edge of a panic attack even with people to talk to. Felt a bit better once I was in the water but couldn't cope with the session and had to bail out at about 1400m of what should have been 2km.

After two days of trying to get by on 4 hours of sleep I am going to give up on bed and move back to the sofa for tonight.

I don't have a parking space for tomorrow again. But I have at least arranged for an end-of-day meeting so I will have someone to walk me as far as the visitors car park this time.

Dexter-ous Weekend

Saturday was the most eventful day I have had in months. After an early morning walk in the park and a quick trip to the office, Dexter then took me to the post office, for a haircut and a visit to my granny all before lunch. Then in the afternoon we went out to help set up the course for Methlick duathlon, and then had a drive-thru McDonalds and an early evening walk round the park before the fireworks started. By the time Strictly started one of us was snoring away, by the time it finished we both were.

With Dexter on guard and a couple of completely exhausting day in the bag, I also managed to sleep in my bed for the first time in over two months. Hopefully two nights of that will have been enough that I will manage on my own tonight.

Having done no gardening at all yesterday we did get stuck into that this morning. Shifted nearly two tonnes of stones today. Still another tonne to go but don't think I will get enough daylight for it till next weekend. If I can't manage it then I am off on holiday for most of the following week so will just need to do it through that week.

Friday funday

First obvious big mistake I have made at work. Trusted myself to do my job properly and then then made a stupid mistake that I would have caught before. Then had to spend an extra hour in the office trying to figure things out and tidy it up. So apparently I am still not able to do my job without someone checking up on me.

As predicted the trip back to the car was beyond horrible. It was about 700m from the office to where I parked and I had to stop to throw up twice on the way. I made thai curry for dinner but I couldn't face eating it.

Dexter will be round soon so hopefully he will distract me enough for the rest of the weekend. Hopefully he will like thai curry for his breakfast. Got loads of outdoor stuff to do with him, and might even try and get him to take me for a haircut as well if I get time.

My one-a-day deletions from facebook is going surprisingly well. Restraining myself from closing my account, or going on a wild binge of deleting people, coupled to making some progress on clearing up is going better than expected. Still plenty more to go though.

Walkies

I don't have a parking space for work tomorrow. That didn't used to bother me, I just had to get up 15 minutes earlier, park half a mile away and walk in. Not sure what I am going to do tomorrow. Parking in the visitors car park is likely to get me in trouble with security, but I may have to risk that. Walking half a mile on my own might be ok in the morning, but I can't see the trip back to the car at the end of the day being possible. Might have to try and come up with a way to drive and meet the free work bus somewhere.

I do at least have a weekend of Dexter to look forward to, if I can survive tomorrow. Hopefully he will help me go to the post office and finish the garden. Not sure if he likes fireworks but I could see some being set off at the park tonight and I didn't hear them, so hopefully he won't notice either. Planning to tire him out enough on Saturday that he will be too tired to get stressed even if they are loud enough for him to hear.