Slides, Cycles and Waves

It has been a very up and down week. While it has at least been good to have some relative ups the unpredictability of whether the next hour is going to be a crushing low or a manic high makes it even harder to plan and control what I can do and this generally results in me doing nothing.

With last week just being a continuous slide it was relatively simple to predict that anything that was difficult one day would be impossible the next. This reached the point that even writing has become a challenge through the week. The daily cycle also continues to get more extreme. Waking up early and struggling to get up until the alarm goes has been replaced by waking up early and not even being able to get up when my alarm goes. But in contrast evenings in front of the TV have become less stressful.

This week has been different though as random short waves of depression have imposed themselves on top of the predictable cycles and the general slide. While the longer slides and cycles are driven by events the waves are completely random. They may have been there all the time and just shown up in the form of the seemingly random crying attacks.

I have at least managed to go to my bed a few times this week. After a high wave and a late night on Thursday evening I even managed to sleep there for a couple of hours. Once the nightmares started again I had to give up and come back to the sofa for the rest of the night but even a few hours sleep in my own bed was a step forward.